Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i already hear my dad disowning me
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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