Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
