You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
