Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
