nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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