There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
