Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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