you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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