We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
