Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
