i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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