If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
