im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
