I am spending my child support on dildos
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
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