I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
