I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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