How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
