Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
