i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
