I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
