none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
