I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
