I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
