just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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