shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
