Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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