you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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