so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Randomize
