My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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