i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
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