Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Sober January is a disaster.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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