But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
