i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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