I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
