If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
