remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
