We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
