i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
