Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
