This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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