just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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