I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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