i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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