I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
