Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Can you repeat that, but with context?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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