Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
