The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
