ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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