matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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