I faked an abortion last night.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
