shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
