I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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