there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
