he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
This is the high leading the old right now
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
