He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
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