Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Randomize
