: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
