I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
