Someone shit on the floor
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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