beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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