I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Randomize
