My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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