we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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