You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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