i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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