Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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