I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
