chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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