There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
