just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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