Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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