it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
