1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i just made my gag reflex go away.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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