we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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