she smelled like a LAN party
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
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