That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize