its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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