How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
