So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
