Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
