You made me cry and you don't even care
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Randomize
