Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize