while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
NoShamevember. You game?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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