Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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