dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
