everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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