it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
