Pants 0. Shit 1.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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