I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
