You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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