He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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