Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
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