"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
