i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
