Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
