I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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