So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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