I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize