i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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