I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
