thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
