Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
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