i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize